You are frustrated with yourself,,, you want to change your behaviour, you're fad up with yourself to be one bad guy you wish to be kind, the one who is loving and loved, but you feel unable to control your anger, hate or resentment, you return back to your old attitude often as soon as you encounter any unpleasant situation and then you feel guilty, ashamed or frustrated of self,
you feel you must be more kind and forgiving... you come to the understanding by the teachings you discovered that you should treat others well and forgive... You try hard and harder but more you try more displeased and confused you feel,
But wait you wish to forgive but who and for what? To be kind to others, but others who?
Last night you had a dream you were assaulted by some unidentified man, you were beaten, hurt, afraid and angry at the same time...and then you wake up! What will you do now, with whom you'll get angry now?? and if you want to forgive whom you'll forgive? And for what? You know what you have experienced was not real and you'll forget it may be not instantly but surely after some time. You forget it, so how you know what happened during your so called waking state is real? Ok, take one more example, you were walking and you hit a stone on the road, you feel hurt on your leg, now what? Do you'll get mad with your eyes for not seeing it, your foot to collide with it or with yourself for not paying attention, probably you'll get angry with the authorities or the person or persons who put it there, then Isn't it you assumption by your gathered data of past experiences which become a reference point for you to come to conclusion to feel hurt or any other emoticon you relate to that particular experience, but wait just for a moment and think as the moment passed you moved from that particular state to a different point and so does the one, who was involved in that instance and when both of you are not now a part of any experience in present moment, who is getting hurt and who is hurting? and unless you recall that moment again, where does it find its existence, if you wish to forgive the other, how will you forgive, can you travel back to that moment in time and change its appearance? can you ever be able to travel back to the past and change anything or everything which didn't happened the way you wish it to happen all what you feel others did to you... And who that you was... Do you're that five year old who's pencil was forcefully taken by a classmate, the 15 years old who was bullied over her looks, the 20 years old who was cheated by the one he thinks is deeply in love with her, the 35 years old who with all his qualifications and capabilities still not been able to do well in physical world...Then who is this which become more arrogant, mad, critic or sensible, poised and balanced, more understanding and responsible, who is true you? The "I AM" that dwells in you or the physical appreciance you think you are and if the physical one is you which is arogant then who is that who wish to change? and if the "I AM" is you, how you'll get hurt by anything and how anything can happen to you,
when nothing is happened to you, with you and no one did it and I literally mean it then who did it and who will you forgive.
When you met with any experience who is experiencing and who is judging it, if both of them are one or two different identities are experiencing the same from a different point of view or one identity is watching it from two different angles, but who will tell which view is right. Don't you think whatever happened, happened and more you keep remembering it, feeling of anger resentment or may be feeling of forgiveness will appear but where these feelings are originating, isn't a part of your mind is generating all this and controlling you, enslaving you to be in a state of dependency, to act and feel in a certain way, to be in a reactionary mode, to make you powerless .and as you take back control and stop giving it attention, slowly it start loosing it's grip and lastly dissipate, once you forget, you know you don't need anything to feel nothing about it and when there is nothing there is no one to feel angry, resentful or frustrated with or even to forgive, it is only your memory which is playing games once you understand this what left is only eternal love for self and all.
©prashantlm
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